SITTING ON A PARK BENCH: EYEING LIFE WITH BAD INTENT
“Is it because I have no ‘positivity’ left in me? That whole visualize success and you will be successful thing? Been that and done there! And I’m still pulling’ out the splinters from last time.”
By EJ Wickes
Image (above) Aqualung, Chrysalis 1971
I know we all have our bad days. Our attempts, our failures, the lessons we learn through our mistakes and bad decisions…and our short-lived victories…The Vikings new what a hero was. A hero was not one who was always victorious in glorious battle; no – he was the one who lived through every fuckin’ day, no matter what was thrown at him, he endured. He overcame the cold by being colder, he overcame life’s cruelty by being crueler, and he cherished the kindness he received and the joy he felt in life through his exuberance and poetry!
This is why, lately, I hate life more than I love it: You used to be able to get up and go to work. You were judged by your ethics and performance. You would see tangible results from your inspiration and labor. The things and the people you worked with worked! You didn’t have to spend half of your waking hours troubleshooting internet technology and other glitches all day, every – day. Troubleshooting access to your life, your job and any other daily function. 40 freakin’ passwords; kissing some jerk-off’s ass from your cubicle; deal with maniacal IT people and proprietary built in obsolescence on a daily basis. “Sorry site can’t be reached” – blah, blah. Thanks to all the developers who have wrought this intellectual purgatory and entropy on the human race. Thank you Microsoft, Hewlett Packard – and all of your “proprietary” geniuses.
The future is today. Well to Hell with that. I’m still waiting for all the fairy tales I was told by Big industry and Science from the ’64 New York World’s Fair to come true, since I was what; eight years old?. “Peace Through Understanding” my ass!
And of course every time my mouse freezes and my computer goes into its frozen stasis – always a real thrill. Loving every minute of that joy filled experience; over and over again. Everyone I know has had absolutely no difficulty in reaching a particular website (my job as of now), except me, on any of their devices. Go figure.
Okay – why me? Why is it that every freakin’ thing in my life has to have a monkey wrench thrown in just for good measure? Any time I get some positive momentum with anything – anything I’ve built with my own hands, organizations; a new career from scratch, something or somebody: politics, incompetence or whatever – Technology for example….has to dump all over it. Is this my penance? What gruesome Karma from a past-life am I paying interest on this time around?
I’d really like to know. Is it because I have no “positivity” left in me? That whole “visualize success” and you will be successful thing? Been that and done there! And I’m still pulling’ out the splinters from last time.
No wonder people lock and load and walk into post offices or find the high towers. And we as a society are so stupid we blame the guns. Too many guns – not enough guns – both sides got their heads so far up their asses it’s not even funny anymore, It’s futile to the point of depression. And the anxiety of all those “vague frustrations” (*term trademarked by a friend) accumulating – they say, “don’t sweat the small stuff”. Well, what do you do when it’s nothing but the “small” stuff; accumulating through “molecular cohesion” and snowballing with every move you make?
NUTHIN’ IS EASY!